| I always love posting my emails from Graeme on here because I feel like his insight is so interesting and I think he is one of the few people I can share honestly where I am at in my faith with. I wrote him an email after the wedding and I think it sums up everything I have been dealing with and everything I realized after being in the wedding as well. It took me reading it twice to understand fully his writing because Graeme is somewhat of a scattered, lofty writer but it doesn't take away the essence of what he is trying to get across once you read through it thoroughly. Also Joe I think you might notice some of his British words in here. =)
Dear Andrea,
good morning
Off again teaching today; primary school. It makes me wonder if this land
is not fated to implode on self focused individualism. Sad bit for you is; this
land (australia) is 10-20 years behind where you are ! If I could be an honest historian, I
would concede, whooops, it has dived into that already.
I
have been seeing it in dts's for years. I guess one reason I have missed going
to church in parts of US was, I found it even worse there. And I move in the creamy
end of society too.
Anyway, delighted to have your e
mail.
A faire
understatement ! " I think I have figured it out. ... Most of
the past five years have been a struggle for me. A fight against temptation and
a desperate attempt to rediscover what it means to have a genuine relationship
with our Father in heaven. Often times I end up angry, lost and bitterly
removed ..."
"from my faith despite my
attempts or non-attempts. I've never been able to figure out what it was until
this weekend when for the first time I felt different."
Andrea, you like me, in our core,
" But I wonder now Graeme if it goes back further then YWAM.The times in my life that I have been the happiest is when I have had close
fellowship with other believers. True connections with people who are here with
me. " is a desire to
belong to something; call it a community of genuinely passionate people, ever
expanding their knowledge, interactions, joy of being around. If that existed,
going to nursing would be an extension, but a "home community" to come back to.
April in LA has come maybe the closest I know in ywam US to that other than the
San Fran folks. Yet many on the base LA have no idea, or interest, one or other,
of what April does!
I think you
have just described slavery in a N American context, " ... I
don't know if it is solvable right now. I have to finish school and I have to
work in order to do that. My schedule leaves no time for fellowship and the
people I truly want to be around are ..."
Andrea, v few
need to know the past, even if too often a messy past is almost "glorified" as
something, " I'm not very good at opening my heart to people.
Especially considering my past. " Today is today, tomorrow is
tomorrow
" I wonder how many other believers
are in the same shoes Graeme? I wonder how many people have fallen away from
their faith simply because they had no one to physically be there when things
went wrong or got tough? " Fallen; oh, atleast 1 in 4 N American. Sliddena long way, 2.9 in
the remaining 3.
The American church,
the American christians, with wonderful exceptions, are ill-equipped, lack
necessary experiences, distorted focus ... to help genuinely people who say did
dts at 18/19. You cannot have a group of people who go, live, experience, see a
different world come back and survive when "back" itself is lacking either some
of those learnings, or unwilling to be helped to rise to some of those
learnings.
" I'm interested in what you have
heard from others on the subject. " It is not pretty; a few of the people over the years that have
meant the very most, in a way adored, have no faith today.
Andrea, I do not
know the answers. For there are many answers. I see patterns and numbers. OK,
but I cannot find people who really want to try to make changes. Lets help
people, not smother them in band-aids, before patch up is
needed.
In my mind is
something I learned over the weekend; it was a research paper on post traumatic
counseling; 40 years of data. It helps some people. Horray, something good. It
actually sets back atleast as many people to a worst situation than it helps.
The evidence % was help 45%, tears apart further 45%, and balance 10% which
really lies with the bad 45% because it actually does not help. It bears out
what we see in South Asia; a group of people to help victims of whatever natural
or carnage event. Family, relatives, friends ... are the key. Full circle to
what you wrote.
In an ideal world,
if I were king -- what a horrid thought ! -- our ywam bases would have housing
for people to be students, cheap as possible board/lodging costs. part of
learning, part of a community, part of the face of one community into other
community.
With respect and
love
Graeme Nirmala |
